


Peter Parker vs. the Rules of the Universe

by GinnyRose



Series: Peter Parker: Disaster Bi Extraordinaire [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Peter Parker, Canon Compliant, Embarrassed Peter Parker, Gay Ned Leeds, Humor, LGBTQ Themes, Marry Fuck or Kill Game, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Oblivious Peter, Peter Parker Has a Huge Crush, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Pre-Ned Leeds/Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, almost everyone is lgbt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 12:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14852528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyRose/pseuds/GinnyRose
Summary: All told, it had been a pretty good day; Peter should have known it was too good to last. Nothing ever went that well without a catch to it. It was the first rule of the Universe: if anything was going well for too long, something was going to come crashing down on it. Just look at the dinosaurs – kings of the Earth one day; smoldering remains the next; all thanks to a freak meteorite. That’s how the first rule of the Universe worked.Or: Peter had been having a pretty good day until some of his classmates decide to play an illicit game in Gym again.





	Peter Parker vs. the Rules of the Universe

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically a sequel for my other story in this collection because it takes place after Homecoming and that one takes place before but they are both completely stand-alone. As a warning, there are minors talking sexually about other people but there is no actual sex of any sort. There is also some cursing (but not too bad).

Peter Parker did not know what he had done to deserve this.

His day had started out well. He had woken up early enough to catch breakfast and the news – where a rather flattering video of Spider-man saving a would-be mugging victim was playing on repeat - with Aunt May before catching the bus with Ned where they had gushed over the Millennium Falcon Lego set Ned had received for his birthday. Peter had always liked watching Ned when he was excited - the way he gestured wildly and spoke just a little too loudly, completely unconcerned with the dirty looks he’d always get sent by other students, was almost always enough to get Peter to consider his day a good one. The absence of Flash waiting to taunt them once they got off the bus had also helped buoy his mood.

Peter and Ned had talked about the Lego set all through homeroom, making plans to put it together that weekend, once he was finished with his work for the Stark Internship – the real one that Aunt May had forced Mr. Stark into giving him as stipulation for continuing his Spider-man duties - and then they had gone off to Chemistry where Peter had successfully made a fresh batch of his webbing without getting caught by the teacher or any of his classmates. Spanish class had also gone well; Peter had received full marks on a quiz he had barely studied for and his teacher had placed a golden smiley sticker underneath the bright red ‘A’. Peter would never have admitted to liking something as childish as stickers on his high school assignments out loud, but it had filled him with warmth and a little bit of pride anyway.

MJ had joined him and Ned for lunch, sitting several seats away with a large book in her hands. Peter never risked bothering her while she read anymore –MJ was the type of person to have no problem smacking him on the side of the head with her book Professor Snape style and had done so before – but her quiet presence meant that Flash and his friends did not come to bother them and he and Ned spent a good deal of time chatting about the latest developments leaked about the upcoming Star Wars movies as they took turns stealing food from the other’s tray.

All told, it had been a pretty good day; Peter should have known it was too good to last. Nothing _ever_ went that well without a catch to it. It was the first rule of the Universe: if anything was going well for too long, something was going to come crashing down on it. Just look at the dinosaurs – kings of the Earth one day; smoldering remains the next; all thanks to a freak meteorite. That’s how the first rule of the Universe worked.

Peter’s meteorite had come for him after lunch. It was an A block day, which meant he only had PE and Calculus to get through before he was free to don his suit and go on patrols. It was also a Wednesday, which meant Aunt May wouldn’t be home until after dinner and Peter was looking forward to stopping at his favorite bodega for a sandwich to eat while he called Happy for his daily update after patrol. It would have been the perfect ending to his day. He should have known it wouldn’t work out like that.

He and Ned always changed in two of the bathroom stalls in the locker room; Peter to avoid people seeing him without a shirt – puberty didn’t generally give scrawny boys six-packs overnight and he so didn’t want to deal with those questions, and Ned because he had always felt uncomfortable changing in front of others, even back when they had been six years old and taking swimming lessons at the local pool. Their arrangement also had the fortunate advantage of avoiding Flash and his friends as it took much longer to change in the tiny stalls than it did in the open locker room and Coach Wilson tolerated no dillydallying in the locker rooms. They were always gone by the time Peter and Ned emerged from the stalls, fully dressed in their t-shirts and shorts.

No, the meteorite hadn’t come in the locker room and the class started without any indication that Peter’s day was going to take a turn. Coach Wilson launched into his description of the class assignment the moment Peter and Ned had joined the group. Not everyone had passed the Captain America Fitness challenge the semester before and the school was requiring a unit on it in the second semester – fortunately without the embarrassing motivational video. Peter looked up to Captain America quite a bit, even with the whole war-criminal renegade thing he currently had going on, and he suffered from a great deal of second hand embarrassment whenever one of his classes played the videos. It also didn’t help Peter’s internal self-image any to know he had gotten quite a beating from a man who moonlighted as a motivational video actor for the US Education system. The absence of the video was just another thing to add to the good day vibe he had going on.

Coach Wilson allowed them to pick their own partners before grouping them all into three groups – one to practice laps around the interior of the gym, one to work on their sit ups, and a third group that was sitting out for the first third of the class. Peter and Ned, who were always partners, were put in the running group and after they ran through a few basic stretching drills, Coach Wilson blew his whistle and their group was off. Peter, who had been asthmatic before the bite, made sure to keep pace with Ned towards the back of the group.

The first few laps went by without any issues and as far as PE went, it was rather pleasant. The pace Ned had set was more a jog than a run and it allowed the boys to pick up their lunch conversation. Ned was a staunch believer that Rey was secretly Luke Skywalker’s child, despite what Kylo Ren had said about her parentage, but Peter was a huge supporter of a gay Luke Skywalker who had no children. It was an argument they had many times before and it was an easy one to keep as they ran around the painted lines of the basketball court.

“Dude, I’m telling you. There’s _no_ way Kylo Ren was telling Rey the truth. He was just trying to rile her up!” Ned whisper-yelled as they completed their third lap. Peter could hear the slight breathlessness in Ned’s voice and he was careful to mimic it in his own when he responded. Pre-bite Peter had been a worse runner than Ned.

“I’m not saying he was telling her the truth! Doesn’t mean _Luke’s_ her actual –“

“God, could you guys be _any_ more pathetic?” Peter stiffened slightly at Flash’s comment and flushed faintly. He had heard the boy coming up behind them but had hoped in vain that Flash was just going to lap them without saying anything. Of course, it had been too much to wish that he could get through a school day without Flash’s ugly taunting. “Honestly it’s no wonder you guys don’t have any girlfriends with how big of losers you are!” Flash continued as he roughly shoved between the two of them. Peter’s flush darkened; he was tempted to respond back that he had at least had a date for Homecoming that he hadn’t had to bribe to come with him, but any mention of Liz Allan still sent a flash of guilt running through him and he also didn’t want to start anything with Flash. He wanted to continue his good day-streak that he had going on. Ned, bless his filter-less soul, had no qualms retorting back to Flash.

“Not every guy wants a girlfriend, Flash! Especially if you have to pay for her!” Peter shot a quick, what-the-hell look at Ned while Flash turned back to glare at them. If Flash tried to start a fight with Ned here, Peter would be obligated by years of friendship to get involved and the last thing he wanted was to let Flash lay out a couple punches on him to soothe his bruised ego. Before Flash could do more than open his mouth, they were interrupted by the blast of Coach Wilson’s whistle.

“That’s enough! Runners, switch to sit-ups! Sit-ups, to the bleachers! Bleachers, start running!” Flash glared once more at them darkly and ran a single finger across his neck before joining with his partner on the basketball court.

“Dude! What the hell?” Peter whispered as he and Ned staked claim to the mat furthest from Flash and his partner. “Flash looked like he was about to punch you! I am so not helping you if he decides to start a fight!” It was a blatant lie and they both knew it. Ned grinned at him.

“ _Spider-man_ would never let an innocent person get pushed around by Flash Thompson!” Ned at least had the decency to whisper as Peter laid down on the mat. It didn’t stop the lurch in Peter’s stomach at the idea of anyone over-hearing Ned and he glared up at his best friend.

“ _Peter Parker_ might. Especially when the ‘innocent’ person,” Peter made air quotes as he mimicked his friend. Ned snorted. “Totally provoked him! What the hell was that comment about paying for a girlfriend about anyway?” Peter continued as Ned kneeled down to hold down his feet.

“Everyone’s been talking about how Flash managed to get that senior girl to go to Homecoming with him by promising her a reservation at some super fancy restaurant. I figured it’d be a sore subject for him.” Even though Peter had still been lying on his back, he could hear the amusement in Ned’s tone. He really wasn’t sorry at all. Peter resisted the urge to huff at him as he began his set of sit-ups.

“Yeah, everyone’s been talking about it. But no one’s stupid enough to say anything to his face! What if he gets one of his football buddies to beat you up after school?” It had happened before, when Flash had been really angry with someone their freshman year and had paid the varsity quarterback to rough the kid up. It had been hardly more than a black eye and bloody nose, but it had sent a clear message that fighting back with Flash Thompson was not a recommended action for people like Peter and Ned. “Or had decided to punch you right in class and got you set to the principle’s office. You know Principle Morita has a zero policy for either side in a fight! We all would have been sent to detention!” Peter could not handle watching the Captain America Detention video one more time; the only one worse was the sex-ed one they had been required to watch in their freshman health course. Peter sometimes had nightmares about it.

“I thought _Peter Parker_ wouldn’t get involved?” Ned teased as he watched Peter do his set. He really seemed unruffled by the idea that Flash could be planning his murder right this moment. Peter shot him an annoyed look.

“Dude. You know I’d have your back. I’m just saying that letting Flash or one of his friends beat me up and _then_ getting detention for it is not my idea of a good ending for today. It’s been a good day and I don’t want to do anything to jinx it.” Peter slowed down his repetitions as Coach Wilson walked past, pretending to be winded slightly.

“Switch it up now, boys. Parker can’t do everything.” Peter obediently moved up from the mat and took Ned’s place as the other boy stretched out before him. Peter felt himself flush when he looked down at Ned’s face. He always felt very awkward when he was the one kneeling in front of his friend although there was literally no reason for it. Ned never seemed fazed by it and he seemed oblivious to the way it made Peter turn red every time they were in this position. Peter put his hands on Ned’s feet so he wouldn’t have to think about his strange reactions.

“Why do you have to let him beat you anyway? We both know you are a bad ass who could take literally anyone in this school! Well, except MJ. But I’m pretty sure MJ could beat anyone into submission with a big enough book.” Ned’s voice trailed off, no doubt thinking of the times he had been on the receiving end of MJ’s interrupted-lunchtime-reading induced wrath. Both boys shuddered at the memories.

“Because I couldn’t before so I can’t now. It’s part of keeping the secret, Ned.” They had had this conversation a dozen times before, but Peter had always failed to convince him about the importance of his secret identity.

“I’m not –“ Ned paused as he pushed himself up and back down. Sit ups and pushups were Ned’s weakest point in the Captain America Challenge and he always needed to catch his breath after the first set. “-saying you need to go all super strength on him.” Ned paused in his sitting up position. “I’m just saying you’re awesome and there’s no reason for you to take Flash’s crap. Also, since I’m your best friend _and_ your guy in the chair, you got my back and I also don’t need to take Flash’s crap. But mostly, it’s the part about you being awesome that’s important here.” Peter couldn’t help the way his face warmed at Ned’s compliments – he always felt a little embarrassed but happy whenever his friend commented on his abilities. He covered his reaction with a light snort and stood up as Coach Wilson blew his whistle for the second time. He reached a hand towards Ned and helped his friend up from the mat.

“I may be awesome out there, but I sure as hell am not in here and I have to keep it that way. Which means, please _please_ don’t get me beat up by implying Flash is too lame to get his own girlfriends again. Even if its totally true.” Peter whispered the last part in Ned’s ear as they walked to the bleachers. Ned grinned in response but tactfully didn’t say anything else as they took their spots on the bottommost bench. Flash had gone all the way to the top with his friends, but sound carried easily on the bleachers and Peter was grateful that Ned seemed happy enough to leave things alone. Plus, Flash seemed to be distracted with whatever his friends were saying, so Peter figured that the other boy was willing to drop the fight for now. He could still count this day as a good one.

He really ought to have known better. Ned had just gotten into his account of what had happened at the latest Academic Decathlon practice – apparently MJ had somehow convinced Mr. Harrington to treat them all to slushies if they won their next practice meet with their rival school which was frankly awesome, when the meteorite hit. The most dreaded sound for almost any self-conscious high schooler to hear had erupted above him and Ned.

_Giggling_.

It was not a sound most would associate with trepidation or cause them to pause their own conversations, but Peter wasn’t the most confident kid in school and as such, his brain tended to immediately jump to the conclusion that someone was directing their laughter at him. More often than not, it wasn’t true, but ever since Peter had quite publicly blown off Liz at Homecoming, he had grown more weary about what others were saying about him in school. Especially after someone – almost definitely Flash – had started the rumor that he had left her because he had gotten a new Lego set and had to go home and put it together right that very moment.

An alarming number of people had believed that rumor which was frankly absurd and a little hurtful because even though he loved Legos, he was still a teenager who had gotten to take his biggest crush to Homecoming. Legos would not have been enough to tear him away from that opportunity – except possibly the exclusive special edition 1,000-piece Asgardian palace Lego had made after Thor helped save Earth from his brother (the first time) but that had a mini-Thor equipped with an even tinier Mjolnir. It was different. It didn’t matter how ridiculous Peter had found the rumor though; it had spread wildly, and Peter had been the butt of a lot of jokes for several months following the dance. He had good cause to be nervous about the giggling that was coming from several bleachers above him.

Ned had trailed off when the giggling had started for much the same reasons Peter had – he had been the cause of a lot of ridicule himself when it came out that he had been reportedly caught watching pornography on a school computer during the dance. Peter knew it wasn’t true, but a lot of their classmates had decided it was funnier to believe that than anything else. And it wasn’t like the boys could say Ned was really looking up the specs on Flash’s dad’s shiny new car Spider-man had stolen that same night. Both boys turned as discreetly as they could towards the source of the laughter – they wanted to know if it was about them, but they also knew that if it wasn’t, it could very quickly turn into it if they were caught eavesdropping.

Seymour, Betty, and Sally were sitting together, as they often did. Peter felt a brief flash of guilt – last semester Liz would have also been sitting with them and laughing along with them – but he pushed it aside quickly as Sally began speaking over their laughter. “Seymour you can’t be serious? You’d fuck Spider-Man over Captain America _and_ Tony Stark? We don’t even know what he looks like! He could be hideous! And Captain America is totally a babe, why would you kill him?”

Peter nearly choked as Sally’s words while both Seymour and Betty began laughing again. He felt his face burning red as Ned turned towards him with an astonished look. He knew that the kids in his class played Marry, Fuck, Kill. This hadn’t even been the first time that Peter had overheard a group playing it in gym class. Last time he had found out Liz had a crush on Spider-man which had very definitively not ended well. Spider-man hadn’t even really been an option in the game last time – just a passing mention that had blown up once Liz had admitted to liking him. And then of course, Ned had made it worse by blurting out that Peter knew Spider-man. That had gone spectacularly awful for all involved.

“Sure, we don’t know what he looks like,” Seymour spoke up once he had stopped laughing. Peter really wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole then and there – he knew that tone in Seymour’s voice. That was his Captain-of-the-Debate-Team-as-a-Freshman voice and that meant he was about to throw down a lot of good arguments for his side. Which meant Peter was about to hear a bunch of reasons why his classmate wanted to sleep with him over Captain America and Mr. Stark. He wanted to _die_. “but there are still lots of good reasons to choose to sleep with him over Tony Stark and Captain America.” Seymour paused for dramatic effect and Peter looked over at Ned with what he hoped was a very discreet what-the-hell-do-I? look. Ned just shook his head; his eyes were almost comically wide, and his mouth was opened slightly in surprise. Peter knew that look and it almost never ended well for him. Either Ned was going to spew out something completely embarrassing like last time or he was going to burst out laughing. None of those options were desirable.

Seymour held out a single finger as though he was about to give a lecture. Sally and Betty were watching raptly; Betty looked as though she was about to burst out laughing again while Sally had an almost serious glint to her eyes even though she was smiling. Whatever Seymour was about to say she was surely going to try and counter. Peter didn’t know if it was better to hear a classmates reasonings for wanting to sleep with his alter-ego or the reasons not to. He’d much rather hear neither. “For one, Tony Stark is a billionaire which means he is totally the best choice to be my sugar daddy husband and therefore cannot be picked for the other categories.” Seymour paused to add a second finger. “Two, Captain America is a total babe but he’s off god-knows-where and is also a war criminal. I could get instant-fame if I killed off one of the world’s most wanted men which is a much better alternative than being perpetually blue-balled by the fact that I could never find him.”

This was so much _worse_ than last time – he had only caught the end of that conversation and none of the reasons. Peter hadn’t asked to hear the words “Tony Stark” and “sugar daddy” in the same sentence and now he would never be able to forget it. He wouldn’t be able to look the man in the eye ever again. And Seymour wasn’t even done yet.

“Thirdly,” Seymour held up one final finger. Peter’s face felt like it could cook an egg; he knew which one was coming third. “We get to the totally fuckable Spider-Man. We may not know his face, but that spandex suit hides _nothing_ else, he is obviously ripped to hell. Sometimes he runs around all night which means he probably has great stamina and, at least if the videos are real, he’s _very_ flexible. All of those are major points that he would probably be great in bed. Then there’s the fact that everyone’s whose reported hearing him talk says he has kind of a young voice so he’s probably in his early twenties or something which makes him much more age-appropriate. I mean, Tony Stark and Captain America are hot, but they are also old as hell and that’s kind of creepy. Spider-man is also local which would make it much easier to meet up with him and finally, the very fact that we don’t know who he is makes him the best choice. Mystery is sexy as hell.”

This was the _worst_ thing that had happened to Peter in school. This topped the Captain America Never-Forget-that-Protection-is-Always-Important-Bring-a-Shield-to-the-Field-and-a-Condom-to-the-Bed video. This was mortifying. His classmates were actively discussing the benefits of sleeping with him not five feet away and they didn’t even know it was him. And they were bound to notice how Peter currently resembled a tomato. He was going to blow his cover in gym class and it was all because Seymour was a total pervert who had put way too much thought in the benefits of sleeping with heroes. He would never live this down in the hero or regular world once they found out. Spider-Man/Peter Parker would have to disappear off the face of the earth. Maybe the South Pole needed a hero.

“I’m still not convinced. How can you sleep with someone who you’ve never even really seen? Is he going to wear that mask to bed?” Sally asked, only sounding half-serious. Ned, who had been doing surprisingly well in keeping his cool, let out a sharp laugh that he quickly turned into a small cough when Peter glared at him fiercely. This was not a funny situation. This was _awful_.

“Could be kinky.” Seymour said dismissively. Peter nearly choked again. His mask was not and should not in any discussion _ever_ be described as kinky. The very idea of doing anything like that in a suit built by Mr. Stark was mortifying. “Besides, to be honest here, you aren’t the best judge of character when it comes to guys. We all know you’d rather sleep with Black Widow over any man. Which is fair, because she’s a beautiful badass spy. But still.”

“Just because Black Widow is better than literally any man alive doesn’t mean I can’t have opinions on cute guys! I’d still go with Captain America – he has that cute old-timey gentleman thing going on that I bet hides some very dirty thoughts. Besides, Betty agrees with me. Right, Betty?”

“Actually,” Betty spoke up with an apologetic shrug, that Peter felt should have gone to him over Sally. He was the one who had to listen to this monstrosity of a conversation. He’d never get the idea of Captain America with dirty thoughts out of his mind. “I’d pick Tony Stark to fuck. I really think his gives-no-shits vibe is hot.” That set them off on another round of laughs. Peter met Ned’s eyes then – Ned looked like he was about to die from holding in his laughter. Peter kicked him discreetly.

“Guess we have to find someone else to be the tie-breaker.” Seymour said once they had calmed down. “Yo, Ned!” Both Peter and Ned jumped before looking over at Seymour. Oh, god, Peter was busted. Seymour knew, and he was going to get Ned to blurt all the truth out. This was a dinosaur-killing level of a catastrophe. “You like guys. Who would you pick?” Peter’s eyes widened – his face officially reached the temperature required to melt steel beams. He was going to burn his own hole into the ground to fall into.

“Wha-what are you talking about?” Ned tried for a casual I-was-totally-not-listening-to your-conversation voice and failed spectacularly. Even Peter, in his state of total mortification could hear the clear crack in his voice.

“Don’t play dumb. It’s obvious you guys were listening in.” Seymour rolled his eyes as he spoke, “Peter looks like he’s about to pass out, he’s so red. And you’re the only other person on the bleachers who likes guys at all, currently. So, answer the question. Marry, fuck, kill – Tony Stark, Captain America, Spider-man. Emphasis on the fuck category, we don’t have much time left.” Ned – probably for once in his life – was completely speechless and he looked quickly towards Peter, very obviously asking what the hell he should do. Peter, for his part, didn’t know if he should be relieved at all or stay offended.

On one hand, he hadn’t given himself away as Spider-man, just as a nerd who couldn’t handle other people talking about sex. He could deal with that. On the other hand, Seymour had obviously assumed Peter was straight which he felt slightly offended by. Peter wasn’t out-out – he’d only told Aunt May officially although he and Ned had talked about male-celebrity crushes they both had, but it still seemed presumptuous to assume someone was straight, especially after giving a practically R-rated speech on why that person would be good in bed. Although Seymour didn’t really know Spider-man was Peter under the mask, which was the whole point of his secret identity. Peter decided to be offended anyway; it was the principle of the matter after all. And being offended made the whole thing slightly less mortifying.

“Um…” Ned shot another panicked look at Peter who threw his hands up minutely and shook his head. He had absolutely no clue what he wanted Ned to say. It’d probably be best if he said kill Spider-man but the idea of Ned picking that option, even though it was clearly the least embarrassing for them both, hurt in some unexplainable reason. Peter chalked it up to their close friendship; anyone would be hurt if their best friend said they’d kill them even in such a stupid game like this. “…well, I don’t think I can answer that, Seymour.” Ned finally said, looking as if he’d rather be anywhere else. Seymour shot him an unimpressed look, but Ned seemed to be gaining confidence in his answer, and he kept speaking. “It’s just, I mean, they are actual people, you know? It feels weird to talk about them like that. If you asked me who I’d choose with, like Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Luke Skywalker I’d totally answer – its eff Han Solo, kill Chewie and marry Luke all the way – but I can’t do it with real people. It just, feels… kind of icky, don’t you think?”

Peter could have hugged him right there. Except that would’ve given the whole thing away and defeated the purpose of Ned’s non-answer answer. There would be no reason for normal Peter Parker to celebrate his friend refusing to answer a question that officially had nothing to do with him. It was a total cop-out, of course, and Seymour was bound to be annoyed by it. But it had saved Peter from any more mortification and Ned hadn’t put his foot in his mouth while speaking and let something important slip, so it was the best win-win they could have gotten. Seymour looked at Ned for a long moment - Betty and Sally silent beside him – before he scoffed loudly. “Whatever Ned. It’s just a stupid game. No need to get all ethical about it.” Betty and Sally nodded in agreement – Sally even threw in an eye roll and a half-whispered “boys!” for good measure and they all three stood up to head towards the locker rooms. Peter hadn’t even realized Coach Wilson had blown his whistle for the final time, signaling the end of class.

Peter waited until the trio had passed by before turning to Ned. Flash and his friends were long gone from the top – they always headed to the locker room a little early when they could get away with it to take the best shower stalls – so it was just the two of the them on the bleachers. “Ned, that was amazing! Thank you!” Ned just shrugged and smiled.

“Don’t worry about it. I mean, I think its totally awesome that people want to sleep with you – Seymour’s thirst is _real_. But I know that whole thing couldn’t have been too comfortable for you. I wasn’t going to add onto that or give anything away. Although, I think giving up your secret identity would have been worth it to see Seymour’s face. Could you imagine?” Ned was laughing as he stood up even as Peter blushed again. His cheeks might permanently be stained red at this point.

“I think I’d be even more mortified than I already am. That was awful! How am I going to look Mr. Stark in the eyes after hearing someone refer to him as a sugar _daddy_? I’m never going to be able to face him again!” Peter stood alongside Ned and they begun their slow march to the locker rooms. All the shower stalls would have been taken by this point anyway so there was no reason to hurry. “And what the hell was that about my mask? It is totally not a kinky thing! And my suit is only that tight because that’s how Mr. Stark’s Nano-Tech works! Not because I want to show off anything!”

Ned laughed again, and Peter couldn’t help a small smile in return. Even if he still somewhat felt like melting into the ground so he’d never have to look at Seymour again.

“I don’t know, Peter.” Ned began, in an innocent tone in his voice. “I’ve actually seen what was under that suit and I’d have to agree with Seymour that it’s pretty impressive.” Peter looked at him quickly, shocked. There was no way Ned was flirting with him right now. Ned didn’t like him like that. “I mean, if I was that ripped I’d totally be bragging about it. Especially with the bad ass super powers that go with it! It’d be awesome!” Ned was grinning now; he had obviously been teasing Peter. Peter responded by knocking his shoulder into Ned’s.

“Dude!” He used his mock offended voice and Ned held up his hands in an overly exaggerated peace gesture before he grinned widely. Peter couldn’t help but match his smile. Ned always knew how to make him feel better after a rough moment; even better than May sometimes. “Also, why the hell would you kill Chewie? He’s the best!” Peter’s smile stayed firmly in place as Ned launched into his overly-detailed explanation on how intergalactic marriage wouldn’t work between a Wookiee and a human as they walked towards the locker room.

Perhaps it hadn’t been all that bad of a day. Maybe the conversation had been less of a giant dinosaur-killing meteorite and more like an overly-large hailstone. Painful but not deadly. He still wouldn’t be able to look Mr. Stark in the face again. Peter would be speaking to that man’s feet for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> This was not supposed to be as long as it was but it kind of got away from me. I was inspired both by the actual gym scene in Homecoming as well as the Youtube video of the Marvel cast being asked to play the game with the Chrises (Tom Holland's response is hilarious). Plus I love Ned and Peter's interactions, so writing them together was fun! I hope everyone who read this enjoyed! I should have more up in the series sometime soon.


End file.
